Beautiful Lessons from Difficult People

I am a Buddhist. Being a Buddhist does not mean I am immune to difficult situations and difficult people. It doesn’t mean I do not get irritated, frustrated, annoyed, and anxious. It does not mean that I don’t overreact sometimes. It simply means I do my very best to come from a place of good intention, that I do my best to pause before reacting, and that I act compassionately no matter the situation.
 
I am a Buddhist and I do get bothered when drivers speed with no consideration for other people’s lives, I dislike unnecessary attitude, negativity, I am not fond of manipulative behaviors or people treating my loved ones unkindly.
 
Okay, to be put it simply, I do not like assholes!
 
Yes, I said it. I am a Buddhist and assholes sometimes piss me off. Does that mean I am not actually Buddhist or not living a mindful and compassionate life? No, it just means I am human. 
 
Buddhist concepts have taught me some of the most important lessons to live by and to always practice. One particular concept is that our enemies are sometimes the best teachers of compassion, patience, kindness, and forgiveness. Why? Because it’s extremely easy to show all these traits to the people we love and like. If you love and like your mother and she does something to anger you or annoy you, it’s easy to forgive her, show her compassion, and kindness and then call it a day. 
 
However, the ultimate test is when a stranger or a person you dislike angers you, annoys you, or disrespects you. This is the greatest and the best opportunity to overcome all odds and strengthen your ability to show compassion, kindness, and forgiveness. Without these moments, we have little opportunity to practice these traits and little opportunity to extend them to our enemies.
 
You might ask, what’s in it for me? Why is my enemy deserving of such traits? Why not just react to them with anger, resentment, hostility? Because that’s what they deserve.

Here's what's in it for you (some of the reasons are definitely a little selfish but well worth it compared to the alternatives.)

1. Compassion and kindness are contagious. There's no question about it that the world would be so much better if everyone came from a place of compassion and kindness. So many worldwide conflicts and challenges could get solved if everyone, including and especially people in power, acted from a place of compassion. I know it may feel pointless for a "normal" person like me or you to show small acts of kindness but it is contagious...as is hate and anger. I choose the former, always and forever. 

2. If you react with anger and resentment, you will become those things all the time. You are in control of wiring and re-wiring your brain. It's not rocket science, it's brain science! Neuroscience to be exact and it's amazing that we can re-wire our habits. It's simple: if you always react to other people's negative behavior with hate and negativity, your brain gets used to that and you easily switch to that mode every time someone angers you. I am not saying you will turn off the anger, I am saying that you can train your brain on how to react when you are angry. 

Example 1:
You go to the grocery store after work. It's crowded and busy. Other people are irritated in line because it's so busy. You are in line and a stranger makes some snide comment or gives you unwarranted attitude. 

Now you get annoyed. Maybe you immediately say something back that will escalate this into an argument. (You are teaching your brain and making it very comfortable to react this way every time someone else comes at you like this.)

Example 2: (Own the shit out of your brain, and don't allow other people's discomfort affect you.)
You go to the grocery store after work. It's crowded and busy. Other people are irritated in line because it's so busy. You are in line and a stranger makes some snide comment or gives you unwarranted attitude. 

What I do, most of the time, is observe from an objective point of view. It is okay to label the situation but without reacting. This person just gave me attitude and it is annoying but it is NOT about me. They are impatient, or maybe they do not feel well, I have been there. Shrug it off, smile - not condescendingly but a genuinely kind smile. Now you are beginning to train your brain to react with compassion, calmness, and kindness, and it will turn into a habit. 

3. Your physical health is at stake. I am sure you have heard that stress causes a plethora of health issues yet so many people in the world continue with unhealthy habits that lead to stress. The list is long and can be an entire blog post on its own. If you train your brain to constantly react to others with anger, resentment, hate, on and on - these are stressing your mind and body out. If you can teach yourself to live with compassion and kindness, your physical health will be better off. 

Check out this article on stress and women's health.

4. It teaches your children not to grow up to be...well, assholes.  If you have kids I am sure most of you don't want them to grow up to be rude and angry people (although we do need these people in the world to teach us about compassion haha.) Children model their parents' behavior and they have a better chance to become compassionate adults who can become compassionate and emotionally intelligent leaders.

5. It feels good to be kind. If you've ever done a random act of kindness then you know it feels good! And that is great. It also makes the other person feel good so it's a win win. So the next time you are down or someone angers you, go out and do something kind for someone. Make it a habit to show kindness or be helpful and selfless each week or each day.

So the next time someone gets under your skin, remember to mentally thank them for giving you one of the most important opportunities to practice compassion, kindness, and forgiveness. 

What challenging situation or relationship are you facing that you may need guidance on? Or, when did you recently experience someone being nasty to you and you reacted with compassion? What was the result?

Thanks for tuning in and until next time, 
Sterp